लालू प्रसाद यादव इन वरिऔस् दिस्गुइसेस

Laloo Prasad Yadav (born 1947-06-11) is the chief of the Rashtriya Janata Dal political party of India। He is also a former Chief Minister of the Indian state of Bihar, and is the husband of Bihar's recent Chief Minister, Rabri Devi. As of 2005, he is the Minister for Railways in the Manmohan Singh government. He is one of the most parodied politicians from India.

! गोल !

लालू अपने पीऐ से : ये सारे प्लायेर्स बोल को क्यों मार रहे है ?

पीऐ लालू जी से : सर गोल करने के लिए

लालू पीऐ से : ससुरा बोल तो पहीले से ही गोल है और कितना गोल करेगे !

प्रसाद

इस दुनिया में कौन सी देवी का कौन सा प्रसाद बहुत मशहूर है ?

देवी का लालू प्रसाद

! बिहार ड्राइविंग लाईसेन्स !

देरिविंग लाईसेन्स अप्प्लिकासों

नोट : प्लेस दो नोट सूट थे परसों अत थे अप्प्लिकासों कौन्टर।

हे विल गिव यू थे लिसन

इफ यू डोंट क्नो हाउ टू फिल, कॉपी फ्रॉम यौर फ्रिएंद (दोस्त) अप्प्लिकासों।

फॉर फुर्त्हत इन्स्त्रुक्तिओन्स्, सी बोत्तोम अप्प्लिकासों।

१। लास्ट नेम :

( _ ) यादव ( _ ) सिन्हा ( _ ) पाण्डेय ( _ ) मिश्रा ( _ ) डोंट नो

(चेचक करेट बॉक्स)

२। फुस्त नेम :

( _ ) रामप्रसाद ( _ ) लखन ( _ ) सिव्प्रसाद ( _ ) जम्नाप्रसाद ( _ ) डोंट नो

(चेचक करेट बॉक्स)

३। आगे :

( _ ) लेस थान फिप्टी ( _ ) ग्रेटर थान फिप्टी ( _ ) डोंट नो

(चेचक करेट बॉक्स)

४। सेक्स _____ म _____ (फ) _____ नोट सुर _____ नोट अप्प्लिकाब्ले

(चेचक करेट बॉक्स)

५। चप्पल साइज़ : _____ लेफ्ट _____ रिघ्त

६। ओक्चुपसों :

( _ ) पोलितिसों ( _ ) दूधवाला ( _ ) पेहेल्वान ( _ ) हौस विफे ( _ ) उन - EMPLOYED

(चेचक करेट बॉक्स)

७। नम्बर ऑफ़ चिल्ड्रेन लिबिंग इन थे हौसेहोल्ड : _____

८। नम्बर ठाट अरे यौर्ज : _____

९। मोठेर नेम : _____

१०। फाठेर नेम : _____ ( इफ नोट नो, लीबे ब्लांक )

११। एज्जुकासों : १ २ ३४ ( सर्कल हिघेस्त किलास अत्तेंदेद )

१२। डेंटल रेकार्ड :

( _ ) एल्लो ( _ ) बेरोव्निश - एल्लो ( _ ) बेरोवं ( _ ) बेलैक ( _ ) ओथेर _____ गिव एग्झाक्त कोलोर

(चेचक करेट बॉक्स)

१३। यौर ठुम्ब इम्परेस्सों :

__________

(इफ यू अरे कोप्यिंग फ्रॉम अनोठेर अप्प्लिकासों फरोम, प्लेस दो नोट कॉपी ठुम्ब इम्प्रेशन अल्सो, प्लेस प्रोविदे यौर ओवन ठुम्ब इम्प्रेशन।)

प्लेस दो नोट उसे फिन्गेर्स ऑफ़ यौर लेग्स

उसे ठुम्ब ओं यौर लेफ्ट हैण्ड ओनली। इफ यू डोंट हवे ले फट हैण्ड, उसे यौर ठुम्ब ओं रिघ्त हैण्ड। इफ यू दो नोट हवे रिघ्त हैण्ड, उसे ठुम्ब ओं लेफ्ट हैण्ड।

नोट : इफ यू डोंट हवे बोट हंड्स , यू कान्नोत देरिवे।

वे अरे वारी इस्त्रिक्ट अबाउट थिस

! Laloo and his barber !

Laloo Prasad Yadav is getting shaved by his new barber, when he mentions about the problems he had getting a close shave around the cheeks."I have just the thing to solve that problem," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from his box, "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

Laloo places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave Laloo has ever experienced. After a few strokes,

Laloo asks in garbled speech,

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber.

"Just give it back to me tomorrow like everyone else does."

! Hunting !

Lalloo decides to go for hunting lion along with his other 2 friends.

The first friends hunts 1 lion.

Lalloo asks him “How did you got lion hunt”.

Friend replies “I saw tracks, followed tracks and shot a lion”.

Second friend also gets lion hunt.

Lalloo ask same question.

Friend replies “I saw tracks, followed tracks and shot a lion”.

Lalloo says OK I will go for lion hunt and get 2 lion hunts.

Lalloo returns with broken bones.

Friends ask Lalloo what happened

Lalloo say “I saw tracks, followed tracks but got hit by train”

! Car Lights !

Lalloo's wife was driving a car with Lalloo sitting next to her. She suspects that cars left and right turn signals not working. So she stops the car on the side of the road and asks the Lalloo if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the turn lights while she tests them. Lalloo steps out and stands in front of the car. Lalloo's wife turns on turn signal lights and ask him

"Abhi ye light chalu hai kya nahi bolo"

Lalloo responds "Chalu hai....Chalu nahi hai....Chalu hai.... Chalu nahi hai....Chalu hai....Chalu nahi hai…. "

!! Hum hai hindustani !!

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.

Two Bengalis = a film society.

Three Bengalis = political party.

Four Bengalis = two political parties.

More than four Bengali’s = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Indian Cricket Team.

Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.

Three Biharis = caste killing.

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

Punjabi

One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.

Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.

Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.

Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu

One Mallu = coconut stall.

Two Mallus = a boat race.

Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.

Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

Gujju

One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.

Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.

Three Gujjus = Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.

Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer.

Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.

Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.

Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.

Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.

Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.

Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.

Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.

Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.

Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

Bombayite
One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.

Two Bombayites = film studio.

Three Bombayites = slum.

Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket.

Two Sindhis = papad factory.

Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .

Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

Marwari

One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.

Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.

Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.

Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.

! Chitti Aayee Hai !

When Laloo went to prison, he told his wife Rabri,"When I come back I want all the mails that come while I am gone with the date they came on written on them in order.

"Rabri says, "Ok."

On his return, she hands him a bunch of letters and on each was written,"Aaj Aayee." (Came today)

! Burial Gift !

Three kids walking by a lake see Laloo Yadav jogging. He passes them by and falls into the lake a few seconds later. So, they rush into the water and save him from drowning. Laloo thanks them.

Laloo: Anything you want shall be done.

First boy: I want to go to the Bihar Naval Academy.

Laloo: Then, I will make sure you get into the Naval Academy.

Then to second boy: What do you want?

Second boy: I want to go to USA.

Laloo: You will go to USA.

Third boy: I want to be buried in Central Cemetery.

Laloo: You are so young, why are you concerned about your death.

Third boy: Because my father will kill me when he finds out what I did today!

! Apple !

Laloo ji class mein - madam meine abc yaad karli..
Madam -ok , to sunao

Laloo Ji - abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz.....
madam - arey aise nahi ....aise suna A for apple

Laloo Ji - ok madam....
A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasy hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur...........

!! Jack and Jill (remix) !!

Laloo Bhai bihari

Went up the pahari

To fetch a bail for court order

Laloo fell down

And lost his crown

But Rabri reigned the reafter.

! Hum hai hindustani !

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.

Two Bengalis = a film society.

Three Bengalis = political party.

Four Bengalis = two political parties.

More than four Bengali’s = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Indian Cricket Team.

Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.

Three Biharis = caste killing.

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

Punjabi

One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.

Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.

Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.

Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu

One Mallu = coconut stall.

Two Mallus = a boat race.

Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.

Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

Gujju

One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.

Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.

Three Gujjus = Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.

Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer.

Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.

Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.

Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.

Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.

Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.

Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.

Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.

Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.

Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

Bombayite

One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.

Two Bombayites = film studio.

Three Bombayites = slum.

Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket.

Two Sindhis = papad factory.

Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .

Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

Marwari

One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.

Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.

Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.

Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.

!! Laloo poems... !!

Laloo to aisa beCHARA na tha..

Bin rabdi, malai uska gujara na tha..

Fir kyun kiya usne ghas-phus ka ghotala?

Jawab mila 'aur koi CHARA na tha.

'Dekho Dekho laloo aaya

kitni saari bhainsein laaya

kaali kaali bhainson se

kaala kaala note kamaaya

patna se le kar dilli tak

corruptionva ka jhanda laharaya

kursi ki taang toot gayi

par apni taang ko nahin hataaya

hum nahin to humaar rabri hi sahi

sarkar ko ghar ka vyapaar banaaya

Finally:

Har shaakh pe ullu baitha hai

unjaam-e-gulistaan kya hoga

barbaad gulistaan karne ko

ek hi LALOO kafi hai

Last but not least;

What will a 'bhains' say to laloo (Song Situation )'

Tune Mera Duth Piya Hai Tu Bilkul Mere Jaisa Hai.'

!! Suar... !!

Laloo Yadav's car is driving along a back country road on the way back to Patna , when all of a sudden a piglet jumps out in front of the car. The piglet dies on the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the chauffeur to go find the owner of the piglet so that he can pay the damages. The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a bag full of money, and a wondering look on his face.Laloo wants to know what happened. The driver tells him

'Hum jab gaanv me pahuncha to dekha kuchh log ped ke niche baithe hain. Jub hum unko bataya ki kya hua hai, tab sare log jama ho gaye. Humko laga ki aaj to hamari pitayee hogee. Par hum dekha ki sare log paisa jama kar rahe hain. Hum socha ki ye sara piasa wo janvar ke malik ke liye hai. Par un logo ne saara paisa hamein de diya.' Laloo says 'Sasoor ka natee, Theek theek batao. Tum unko kya bola tha?'

The driver replies 'Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Yadav ka driver hoon aur hum sooar ka bachcha ko maar diya hoon ..'

!! Billoo & Laloo !!

Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.

Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept. Gates : At home have u installed Windows?

Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.

Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?

Laloo : OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing).

'Windows is restarting.Please wait.............'

!! Tax Dues !!

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in bihar. He's stopped in traffic and thinks,

"Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual we're not even moving."He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and says,

"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"

"Laloo just found out the verdict, and he's all depressed. he's lying down in the middle of the highway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him

"The man says,"Oh really, how much have you got so far."

"So far....ten litres."

!! Jack n Jill poem in laloo style !!

Jekwa n Jilwa gaye upar hilwa, paani bhari ka vaste.Jekwa gir gawa, uka khopdi phutt gawa n Jilwa aawat ludkan pura raste.

!! University final examination !!

Laloo ji is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says,? it says here,'Answer the following questions in brief'.

!! Lie Detector !!

An Englishman, an American and a laloo ji are called upon to test a lie detector .

The Englishman says:"I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".

BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".

And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

!! Regular glasses !!

A policeman was testing Laloo Ji, Manmohan Ji and Atal Ji who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows Manmohan Ji a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

Manmohan Ji answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile.

"Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at Atal Ji and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

" Atal Ji smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,

"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

"Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to Laloo Ji and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." Laloo Ji looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contactlenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," Laloo Ji replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

!! Laloo's praise !!

They have Hawala , We have Gwala,

They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,

They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,

They have a Beta , We have a Saala.

!! Stupidest man in Bihar !!

Mr . Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail . Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out : ' Look at this letter ! It is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar '. His ministers tried to calm him by saying : How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '.

Mr. Laloo replied sadly : This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?'

! Laloo's Kids !

According to Secret Intelligence reports Laloo has 38 kids. When contacted by this reporter, Laloo said ' BJP jhoot kahti hai, hamre 9 bchche hai. kaho to gin ke bataaon'. When provoked to count his children Laloo counts, 'Ek, Do, teen, char, paanch, che, saat, aath, nau. Bas iske aage ki ginti hame nahi aati'.

!! Laloo visits the Mental hospital !!

When Laloo was on a visit to Ranchi mental Hospital, one patient laughed on the face of Laloo. Laloo laughed and replied 'I am the Chief Minister' then Patient replied 'You will get well soon because earlier I also used to say that I am the Chief Minister'.

!! Common Sense !!

Once Laloo Prasad was in Kolkata to meet Jyoti Basu. At the meeting, Laloo mentioned that he was impressed how Jyoti babu could manage to have such a long innings. He was a great example for the Yadav family to follow. Laloo wanted to know what was Jyoti babu's secret. To this Jyoti Basu replied 'My dear, it is simple. I manage everything by applying common sense and I gather such ministers around me who do the same. Do you want to see how it works?' Laloo agreed readily. Jyoti Basu picked up the telephone and called Buddhadev Bhattacharya and said 'I have a question for you and need an immediate answer. Suppose your parents have an issue which is neither your sister nor your brother - who is it?' Buddhadev replied 'Comradeda, this is really simple - its me!'

Laloo was very impressed. Returning to Patna he wanted to check on his people so he posed the question to Rabri Devi. She thought and thought but had no answer. Finally she called Sadhu Yadav and posed the question to him. Sadhu also could not find an answer so he called up Upen Biswas and asked him for the correct answer mentioning that he had done a lot of harm to the Yadav family , now atleast he could do one good thing. Biswas heard the question and promptly replied 'Its me'. The answer was relayed to Rabri Devi who dutifully told her husband that the correct answer to the question was 'Upen Biswas'. Hearing this Laloo got angry and said 'You fool, the correct answer is Buddhadev Bhattacharya'!!

!! Laloo's wish !!

Rabri goes to Delhi to attend a 1-week session for Chief Ministers.

Laloo escorts her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

She answers: 'Lalooji, what would you like me to bring for you?

Laloo laughs and says: 'Dilli di kudi (A Delhi girl)!

Rabri kept quiet and left. A week later Laloo meets her up at the airport and asks:

'So Rabriji, how was the trip?''Very good, thank you''And, what happened to my present?''Which present?''What I asked for.... Dilli di kudi?''Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!! '

!! Newsweek !!

Laloo tries to console the widow of a Police Constable who has been killed by a kidnap gang.
Laloo: 'hamein bahut dukh hai aapke patidev ki maut ka. par aap chinta nahin kariyega. NEWSWEEK saare dukhon ko door kar deta hai.'
The widow looks at him perplexed: An aide whispers to Laloo: 'Sir, aapka matlab hai, Time, not Newsweek.'
Laloo: 'arre bhaiya, TIME ho ya NEWSWEEK, koi farak padta hai ka

!! Letter writing !!

Lalloo was about to write a letter to Rabri. He remembers that last time she was reading his previous lettervery very slowly as she can not read fast.So, Lalloo thinks for a while and start writing with the first line ‘My Dear Rabri, I know you can not read fast. Don't worry. I will make it easy for you, I am writing this letter very very slowly.'

!! On Padyatra !!

Lalloo was doing ‘Padyatra’ through the villages in Bihar during election time. He felt thirsty and decided to ask at a hut for some water.Lady from hut opens the doors and get angry to see Lalloo but without showing her anger she invites him in with a smile. She gives him water in bowl.There was a one dog moving around, giving Lalloo a great deal of attention. Lalloo comments "What a nice dog, I had never seen such a friendly dog".Lady replies "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you are using."

God is crying!

Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton.'God replies: ' Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.'Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.

Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan.'God replies: ' Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.'Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.

Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state.'Hearing this, God starts crying.

Laaloo is astounded and asks: ' God, why are you crying ? 'God replies: ' Son, I will not see it in my lifetime '

Laloo Teaches Definitions of Marriage via Film Names

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Ha
Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha
Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap
Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Reason
Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?
Shaadi ke pehle - chal chayya chayya ……
Shaadi ke baad - ah aab laut chale ……..
Shaadi ke pehle- hum aapke dil main rehte hain
Shaadi ke baad - hum apke ghar main rehte hain
Shaadi ke pehle - arzoo
Shaadi ke baad - asoo
Shaadi ke pehle - soldier
Shaadi ke baad - major sahib
Shaadi ke pehle - pyaar hona hi tha
Shaadi ke baad - meri saath esa kyu hua
Shaadi ke pehle - jeevan saathi
Shaadi ke baad - bachcho ke baad, bangaye hathi
Shaadi ke pehle - deewana
Shaadi ke baad - anjaam
Shaadi ke pehle - laila majnoo
Shaadi ke baad - dono majnoon
Shaadi ke pehle - taj mahal
Shaadi ke baad - sadak
Shaadi ke pehle - tammana
Shaadi ke baad - tamasha

How to catch a lion

Newton’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you.For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Laloo Yadav Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !

Mani Rathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.Keep murmuring something in its ears.The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.But 2nd lioness loves both lions.Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George Bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders.

!! Laloo's clock?" !!

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh,"
said Rabri, "Who's clock is that? "That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."
Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

!! Laloo Kids !!

A TV journalist asks Lalooji "How come u have 9 children ??"
Lalooji replies "Woh kya hai ki main rubber se jyada rabri ko use kiya hoon"

INDIAN VIRUSES ! BETTER BEWARE OF THEM !

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus: First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times and finally does nothing.

V.P. Singh Virus: This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions. This virus is also known as social justice virus.

Sukh Ram Virus: This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and then executes them.

Maneka Gandhi Virus: This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were written by vegetarians or animals.

L.K. Advani Virus: This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.

Phoolan Devi Virus: This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s birthday.

K.P.S. Gill Virus: Only ladies need to worry about this virus.Every now and then the users get a whack, you know where.

Deve Gowda Virus: The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are available or not.

Jayalalitha Virus: This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus blames the user for the whole chaos.

I.K.Gujral Virus: Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always, this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the replies.

Veerappan virus: This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but suddenly reappears.

Laloo Yadav virus: A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.

Mulayam Virus: Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.

Sonia Gandhi Virus: Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

Kashi-Maya Virus: It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it. Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

Musharaf In Tunnel

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"

Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."

Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."

Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."

If Laloo was to be PM again

Laloo Hamara Neta What would be changed if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister: again

1. National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
2. National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
3. National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
4. National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
5. National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning) Buffalo Race (evening)
6. Corporate Language : Enlish-va
7. National Toy : A. K. 58
8. National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
9. National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
10. National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
11. National Recreation : Pro-creation

Laloo's (Desi) Personal Computer !

Laloo's (Desi) Personal Computer !

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The Logon Screen

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The Start Menu

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Windows Famous Error Message

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The Shutdown Screen

house full

A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho ticket dena,the person at the window tells him that there is a house full, so this Bihari says,"koi baat nahin do house full de do."

Extra ticket..

There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets ,eak tho khoo gai to?( this fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them), so the T.T.E said "or agar doono khoo gai to?" (what if you lose both of them),so this guy said "to yeh pass kab kam ayaga?" (then why do I have a monthly pass).