Laloo !!!! sorry, wrong number!

Laloo Yadav went to London. One evening, he felt like talking to his wife and dialed his residence.
Laloo Yadav: O-Hallooo!
Reply: Hello!
Laloo Yadav smirks as it is an unfamiliar male Voice.
He says: Kaun bol raha hai?
Reply: Shaab, main Bahadur.
Laloo Yadav: Bahadur, where did you come from?
Bahadur: Shaab, memsahaab has kept me here.
Laloo Yadav shifts uneasily on learning that rabri,s daring at keeping a pahari Bahadur just the day he has left home. He says: Ok, go and call memsaab.
Bahadur: Shaab, Memshaab is sleeping with Shaab!
Laloo Yadav turns red and wild with anger. He screams into the phone
Laloo: Listen Bahadur, listen to me. I am your real Sahib.
Bahadur: But then who is sleeping with Memshaab?
Laloo Yadav: Woh koi ullu ka pattha hai. Go to the drawing room and get my gun which is hanging there.After a few seconds Bahadur comes back
Bahadur: Shaab, I_,ve got the gun!
Laloo Yadav: And just around there in the drawers should be the bullets, take them and fit them into the gun.After a minute
Bahadur: Shaab, it_,s ready now.
Laloo Yadav: Now go and kill both the the Memsahib and the fake Sahib! Two gunshots are heard and Bahadur: Shaab, I_,ve shot both of them, what do I do with the dead bodies?
Laloo Yadav: Just dig a hole in the garden and bury both of them in it.
Bahadur: Shaab, I don_,t get it!
This is the fifteenth floor, there,s no garden here!
Laloo Yadav: Oh, sorry, wrong number!

Laloo's Burial Gift

Three kids walking by a lake see Laloo Yadav jogging. He passes them by and falls into the lake a few seconds later. So, they rush into the water and save him from drowning.
Laloo thanks them.
Laloo: Anything you want shall be done.
First Boy: I want to go to the Bihar Naval Academy.
Laloo: Then, I will make sure you get into the Naval Academy.
Second boy: I want to go to USA.
Laloo: You will go to USA.
Third boy: I want to be buried in Central Cemetery.
Laloo: You are so young, why are you concerned about your death.
Third boy: Because my father will kill me when he finds out what I did today!

Bihari

Once, while laloo was on an air trip to some country, the air hostess inquired, "sir aap shaakahaari hai ki maausahari ?

"To which laloo promptly replied,

"hum to sirf bihari hoon!!!"

Rabri Laloo's wife....

Two young friends (Bunty and Chinto) were standing on the flatform of Bihar. After standing there for one hour, Bunty went to buy sweets from a shop 5 meters away. When he came back, he was crying.

Chinto: what happened to you?
Bunty: The shopkeeper slapped me.
Chinto: Why? What did you ask him?
Bunty: I only asked him - "rabri ka bhaw kyan hai?"

rabri as in a sweet and Laloo's wife....

Laloo Appinment Letter

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.A few days later he got this reply:

"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks"

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said:

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."Everyone was delighted.
Laloo Prasad continued......
"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
We are sorry ....... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that ......... .aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ............. .aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ..... humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ....... phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ... bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ......... aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad

Laloo Speech

After learning english, Laloo throws a grand party.At the beginning of the party, he gives a speech in English.The speech was as follows:-"I thank you all for coming from the bottom of my heart and also from my wive's bottom.

100 Percent Laloo Yadav

Once laloo went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the Laloo was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?""Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said Laloo.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.

Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister (Laloo) lavished all hospitality on him.When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace Laloo had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees", he asked.The Laloo called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?

"The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said Laloo !!

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.

Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

""This is how business is done!!! ""

Laloo's Mars Mission

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going."A million dollars",
he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family,
he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.
"The last applicant was a Indian politician (Lallu Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The IndianPolitician replied, $1 million is for you, I'll keep $1million, and we'll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars."

Laloo's Kids -2

A TV journalist asks Lalooji "How come u have 9 children ??"Lalooji replies "Woh kya hai ki main rubber se jyada rabri ko use kiya hoon"

Laloo's kids

According to Secret Intelligence reports Laloo has 38 kids. When contacted by this reporter, Laloo said " BJP jhoot kahti hai, hamre 9 bchche hai. kaho to gin ke bataaon". When provoked to count his children Laloo counts, "Ek, Do, teen, char, paanch, che, saat, aath, nau. Bas iske aage ki ginti hame nahi aati".

Laloo and Rabri: Not on talking terms

Following an especially angry argument, Laloo and Rabri went to bed not speaking to each other.Needing to arise early the following morning, Laloo left a note on his Rabri's bedside table that said: "Imartee ki Amma, humko kal bhor paanch baje utha dijiyega.
"An annoyed Laloo awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
"Barfi ke babuji, paanch baje gaye hai, aapka uthne ka samay ho gaya hai!"

Laloo's stamp

Laloo wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Laloo was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Laloo. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."

Laloo, Jayalalitha and Sonia by air

Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Sonia are on a long flight in an Air Force plane.Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy." Of course Sonia doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.I notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says,
"If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"

Clinton's English Lesson To Laloo

Bill Clinton decided to 'teach' Laloo English, so he invited him over to the US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur.
Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition. Inside the White House, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English.Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out.
The whole country and its economy have come to a standstill, and press, news reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome.
At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo - beaming his resplendent white smile, looking cool and unruffled.
However, Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over his face.The shocked reporters ask Bill,
"What happened Mr. Clinton?
"Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"

Laloo Ban Gaya Crorepati

Back in the Jahanabad, there were two Yadavs , Laloo and Sadhu. One day, the two were enjoying a strong country in the local thek , when a man walked into the bar with a Brahmin's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Brahmins; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says,

"If any man brings me the head of a Brahmin, I'll give him fifty thousand rupees."
The two Yadavs looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for a Brahmin. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Sadhu threw a rock which hit the Brahmin right on the head.
The Brahmin fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Laloo pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Sadhu said, "Lalooji, take a look at this.
"Laloo replied, "Not now, I'm busy.
"Sadhu tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this.
"Laloo said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's Fifty thousand rupees in my hand.
"But Sadhu was adamant. "Please, Lalooji, take a look at this."So Laloo looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand Ranbir Sainiks.
Laloo just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're going to be Crorepatis!"

Laloo Vs Gates

Bill Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates : (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates : (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates : (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates: (Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.
Gates : (Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."

Laloo in Wonderland

Raabri was worried whether or not Laloo upon his death made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo's voice was heard answering, "Hello Raabri, this is meeee..."

"Lalooji," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"

"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo answered.

"The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected and above all there is no scam. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."
"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his Raabri cried.

"Heaven?" he answered.

"What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Punjab."

Laloo, Sonia, a saint and a schoolboy

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane.Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,

"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.

Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

Verse in Laloo's Praise

They have Hawala , We have Gwala,
They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,
They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,
They have a Beta , We have a Saala.