!! Laloo's praise !!

They have Hawala , We have Gwala,

They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,

They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,

They have a Beta , We have a Saala.

!! Stupidest man in Bihar !!

Mr . Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail . Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out : ' Look at this letter ! It is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar '. His ministers tried to calm him by saying : How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '.

Mr. Laloo replied sadly : This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?'

! Laloo's Kids !

According to Secret Intelligence reports Laloo has 38 kids. When contacted by this reporter, Laloo said ' BJP jhoot kahti hai, hamre 9 bchche hai. kaho to gin ke bataaon'. When provoked to count his children Laloo counts, 'Ek, Do, teen, char, paanch, che, saat, aath, nau. Bas iske aage ki ginti hame nahi aati'.

!! Laloo visits the Mental hospital !!

When Laloo was on a visit to Ranchi mental Hospital, one patient laughed on the face of Laloo. Laloo laughed and replied 'I am the Chief Minister' then Patient replied 'You will get well soon because earlier I also used to say that I am the Chief Minister'.

!! Common Sense !!

Once Laloo Prasad was in Kolkata to meet Jyoti Basu. At the meeting, Laloo mentioned that he was impressed how Jyoti babu could manage to have such a long innings. He was a great example for the Yadav family to follow. Laloo wanted to know what was Jyoti babu's secret. To this Jyoti Basu replied 'My dear, it is simple. I manage everything by applying common sense and I gather such ministers around me who do the same. Do you want to see how it works?' Laloo agreed readily. Jyoti Basu picked up the telephone and called Buddhadev Bhattacharya and said 'I have a question for you and need an immediate answer. Suppose your parents have an issue which is neither your sister nor your brother - who is it?' Buddhadev replied 'Comradeda, this is really simple - its me!'

Laloo was very impressed. Returning to Patna he wanted to check on his people so he posed the question to Rabri Devi. She thought and thought but had no answer. Finally she called Sadhu Yadav and posed the question to him. Sadhu also could not find an answer so he called up Upen Biswas and asked him for the correct answer mentioning that he had done a lot of harm to the Yadav family , now atleast he could do one good thing. Biswas heard the question and promptly replied 'Its me'. The answer was relayed to Rabri Devi who dutifully told her husband that the correct answer to the question was 'Upen Biswas'. Hearing this Laloo got angry and said 'You fool, the correct answer is Buddhadev Bhattacharya'!!

!! Laloo's wish !!

Rabri goes to Delhi to attend a 1-week session for Chief Ministers.

Laloo escorts her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

She answers: 'Lalooji, what would you like me to bring for you?

Laloo laughs and says: 'Dilli di kudi (A Delhi girl)!

Rabri kept quiet and left. A week later Laloo meets her up at the airport and asks:

'So Rabriji, how was the trip?''Very good, thank you''And, what happened to my present?''Which present?''What I asked for.... Dilli di kudi?''Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!! '

!! Newsweek !!

Laloo tries to console the widow of a Police Constable who has been killed by a kidnap gang.
Laloo: 'hamein bahut dukh hai aapke patidev ki maut ka. par aap chinta nahin kariyega. NEWSWEEK saare dukhon ko door kar deta hai.'
The widow looks at him perplexed: An aide whispers to Laloo: 'Sir, aapka matlab hai, Time, not Newsweek.'
Laloo: 'arre bhaiya, TIME ho ya NEWSWEEK, koi farak padta hai ka

!! Letter writing !!

Lalloo was about to write a letter to Rabri. He remembers that last time she was reading his previous lettervery very slowly as she can not read fast.So, Lalloo thinks for a while and start writing with the first line ‘My Dear Rabri, I know you can not read fast. Don't worry. I will make it easy for you, I am writing this letter very very slowly.'

!! On Padyatra !!

Lalloo was doing ‘Padyatra’ through the villages in Bihar during election time. He felt thirsty and decided to ask at a hut for some water.Lady from hut opens the doors and get angry to see Lalloo but without showing her anger she invites him in with a smile. She gives him water in bowl.There was a one dog moving around, giving Lalloo a great deal of attention. Lalloo comments "What a nice dog, I had never seen such a friendly dog".Lady replies "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you are using."

God is crying!

Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton.'God replies: ' Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.'Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.

Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan.'God replies: ' Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.'Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.

Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state.'Hearing this, God starts crying.

Laaloo is astounded and asks: ' God, why are you crying ? 'God replies: ' Son, I will not see it in my lifetime '

Laloo Teaches Definitions of Marriage via Film Names

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Ha
Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha
Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap
Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Reason
Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?
Shaadi ke pehle - chal chayya chayya ……
Shaadi ke baad - ah aab laut chale ……..
Shaadi ke pehle- hum aapke dil main rehte hain
Shaadi ke baad - hum apke ghar main rehte hain
Shaadi ke pehle - arzoo
Shaadi ke baad - asoo
Shaadi ke pehle - soldier
Shaadi ke baad - major sahib
Shaadi ke pehle - pyaar hona hi tha
Shaadi ke baad - meri saath esa kyu hua
Shaadi ke pehle - jeevan saathi
Shaadi ke baad - bachcho ke baad, bangaye hathi
Shaadi ke pehle - deewana
Shaadi ke baad - anjaam
Shaadi ke pehle - laila majnoo
Shaadi ke baad - dono majnoon
Shaadi ke pehle - taj mahal
Shaadi ke baad - sadak
Shaadi ke pehle - tammana
Shaadi ke baad - tamasha

How to catch a lion

Newton’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you.For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Laloo Yadav Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !

Mani Rathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.Keep murmuring something in its ears.The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.But 2nd lioness loves both lions.Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George Bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders.

!! Laloo's clock?" !!

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh,"
said Rabri, "Who's clock is that? "That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."
Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

!! Laloo Kids !!

A TV journalist asks Lalooji "How come u have 9 children ??"
Lalooji replies "Woh kya hai ki main rubber se jyada rabri ko use kiya hoon"

INDIAN VIRUSES ! BETTER BEWARE OF THEM !

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus: First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times and finally does nothing.

V.P. Singh Virus: This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions. This virus is also known as social justice virus.

Sukh Ram Virus: This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and then executes them.

Maneka Gandhi Virus: This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were written by vegetarians or animals.

L.K. Advani Virus: This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.

Phoolan Devi Virus: This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s birthday.

K.P.S. Gill Virus: Only ladies need to worry about this virus.Every now and then the users get a whack, you know where.

Deve Gowda Virus: The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are available or not.

Jayalalitha Virus: This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus blames the user for the whole chaos.

I.K.Gujral Virus: Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always, this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the replies.

Veerappan virus: This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but suddenly reappears.

Laloo Yadav virus: A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.

Mulayam Virus: Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.

Sonia Gandhi Virus: Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

Kashi-Maya Virus: It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it. Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

Musharaf In Tunnel

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"

Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."

Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."

Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."

If Laloo was to be PM again

Laloo Hamara Neta What would be changed if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister: again

1. National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
2. National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
3. National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
4. National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
5. National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning) Buffalo Race (evening)
6. Corporate Language : Enlish-va
7. National Toy : A. K. 58
8. National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
9. National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
10. National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
11. National Recreation : Pro-creation

Laloo's (Desi) Personal Computer !

Laloo's (Desi) Personal Computer !

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The Logon Screen

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The Start Menu

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Windows Famous Error Message

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The Shutdown Screen

house full

A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho ticket dena,the person at the window tells him that there is a house full, so this Bihari says,"koi baat nahin do house full de do."

Extra ticket..

There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets ,eak tho khoo gai to?( this fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them), so the T.T.E said "or agar doono khoo gai to?" (what if you lose both of them),so this guy said "to yeh pass kab kam ayaga?" (then why do I have a monthly pass).