! Apple !

Laloo ji class mein - madam meine abc yaad karli..
Madam -ok , to sunao

Laloo Ji - abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz.....
madam - arey aise nahi ....aise suna A for apple

Laloo Ji - ok madam....
A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasy hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur...........

!! Jack and Jill (remix) !!

Laloo Bhai bihari

Went up the pahari

To fetch a bail for court order

Laloo fell down

And lost his crown

But Rabri reigned the reafter.

! Hum hai hindustani !

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.

Two Bengalis = a film society.

Three Bengalis = political party.

Four Bengalis = two political parties.

More than four Bengali’s = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Indian Cricket Team.

Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.

Three Biharis = caste killing.

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

Punjabi

One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.

Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.

Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.

Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu

One Mallu = coconut stall.

Two Mallus = a boat race.

Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.

Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

Gujju

One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.

Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.

Three Gujjus = Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.

Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer.

Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.

Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.

Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.

Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.

Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.

Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.

Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.

Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.

Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

Bombayite

One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.

Two Bombayites = film studio.

Three Bombayites = slum.

Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket.

Two Sindhis = papad factory.

Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .

Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

Marwari

One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.

Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.

Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.

Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.

!! Laloo poems... !!

Laloo to aisa beCHARA na tha..

Bin rabdi, malai uska gujara na tha..

Fir kyun kiya usne ghas-phus ka ghotala?

Jawab mila 'aur koi CHARA na tha.

'Dekho Dekho laloo aaya

kitni saari bhainsein laaya

kaali kaali bhainson se

kaala kaala note kamaaya

patna se le kar dilli tak

corruptionva ka jhanda laharaya

kursi ki taang toot gayi

par apni taang ko nahin hataaya

hum nahin to humaar rabri hi sahi

sarkar ko ghar ka vyapaar banaaya

Finally:

Har shaakh pe ullu baitha hai

unjaam-e-gulistaan kya hoga

barbaad gulistaan karne ko

ek hi LALOO kafi hai

Last but not least;

What will a 'bhains' say to laloo (Song Situation )'

Tune Mera Duth Piya Hai Tu Bilkul Mere Jaisa Hai.'

!! Suar... !!

Laloo Yadav's car is driving along a back country road on the way back to Patna , when all of a sudden a piglet jumps out in front of the car. The piglet dies on the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the chauffeur to go find the owner of the piglet so that he can pay the damages. The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a bag full of money, and a wondering look on his face.Laloo wants to know what happened. The driver tells him

'Hum jab gaanv me pahuncha to dekha kuchh log ped ke niche baithe hain. Jub hum unko bataya ki kya hua hai, tab sare log jama ho gaye. Humko laga ki aaj to hamari pitayee hogee. Par hum dekha ki sare log paisa jama kar rahe hain. Hum socha ki ye sara piasa wo janvar ke malik ke liye hai. Par un logo ne saara paisa hamein de diya.' Laloo says 'Sasoor ka natee, Theek theek batao. Tum unko kya bola tha?'

The driver replies 'Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Yadav ka driver hoon aur hum sooar ka bachcha ko maar diya hoon ..'

!! Billoo & Laloo !!

Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.

Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept. Gates : At home have u installed Windows?

Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.

Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?

Laloo : OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing).

'Windows is restarting.Please wait.............'

!! Tax Dues !!

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in bihar. He's stopped in traffic and thinks,

"Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual we're not even moving."He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and says,

"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"

"Laloo just found out the verdict, and he's all depressed. he's lying down in the middle of the highway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him

"The man says,"Oh really, how much have you got so far."

"So far....ten litres."

!! Jack n Jill poem in laloo style !!

Jekwa n Jilwa gaye upar hilwa, paani bhari ka vaste.Jekwa gir gawa, uka khopdi phutt gawa n Jilwa aawat ludkan pura raste.

!! University final examination !!

Laloo ji is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says,? it says here,'Answer the following questions in brief'.

!! Lie Detector !!

An Englishman, an American and a laloo ji are called upon to test a lie detector .

The Englishman says:"I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".

BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".

And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

!! Regular glasses !!

A policeman was testing Laloo Ji, Manmohan Ji and Atal Ji who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows Manmohan Ji a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

Manmohan Ji answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile.

"Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at Atal Ji and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

" Atal Ji smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,

"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

"Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to Laloo Ji and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." Laloo Ji looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contactlenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," Laloo Ji replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

!! Laloo's praise !!

They have Hawala , We have Gwala,

They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,

They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,

They have a Beta , We have a Saala.

!! Stupidest man in Bihar !!

Mr . Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail . Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out : ' Look at this letter ! It is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar '. His ministers tried to calm him by saying : How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '.

Mr. Laloo replied sadly : This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?'

! Laloo's Kids !

According to Secret Intelligence reports Laloo has 38 kids. When contacted by this reporter, Laloo said ' BJP jhoot kahti hai, hamre 9 bchche hai. kaho to gin ke bataaon'. When provoked to count his children Laloo counts, 'Ek, Do, teen, char, paanch, che, saat, aath, nau. Bas iske aage ki ginti hame nahi aati'.

!! Laloo visits the Mental hospital !!

When Laloo was on a visit to Ranchi mental Hospital, one patient laughed on the face of Laloo. Laloo laughed and replied 'I am the Chief Minister' then Patient replied 'You will get well soon because earlier I also used to say that I am the Chief Minister'.

!! Common Sense !!

Once Laloo Prasad was in Kolkata to meet Jyoti Basu. At the meeting, Laloo mentioned that he was impressed how Jyoti babu could manage to have such a long innings. He was a great example for the Yadav family to follow. Laloo wanted to know what was Jyoti babu's secret. To this Jyoti Basu replied 'My dear, it is simple. I manage everything by applying common sense and I gather such ministers around me who do the same. Do you want to see how it works?' Laloo agreed readily. Jyoti Basu picked up the telephone and called Buddhadev Bhattacharya and said 'I have a question for you and need an immediate answer. Suppose your parents have an issue which is neither your sister nor your brother - who is it?' Buddhadev replied 'Comradeda, this is really simple - its me!'

Laloo was very impressed. Returning to Patna he wanted to check on his people so he posed the question to Rabri Devi. She thought and thought but had no answer. Finally she called Sadhu Yadav and posed the question to him. Sadhu also could not find an answer so he called up Upen Biswas and asked him for the correct answer mentioning that he had done a lot of harm to the Yadav family , now atleast he could do one good thing. Biswas heard the question and promptly replied 'Its me'. The answer was relayed to Rabri Devi who dutifully told her husband that the correct answer to the question was 'Upen Biswas'. Hearing this Laloo got angry and said 'You fool, the correct answer is Buddhadev Bhattacharya'!!

!! Laloo's wish !!

Rabri goes to Delhi to attend a 1-week session for Chief Ministers.

Laloo escorts her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

She answers: 'Lalooji, what would you like me to bring for you?

Laloo laughs and says: 'Dilli di kudi (A Delhi girl)!

Rabri kept quiet and left. A week later Laloo meets her up at the airport and asks:

'So Rabriji, how was the trip?''Very good, thank you''And, what happened to my present?''Which present?''What I asked for.... Dilli di kudi?''Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!! '

!! Newsweek !!

Laloo tries to console the widow of a Police Constable who has been killed by a kidnap gang.
Laloo: 'hamein bahut dukh hai aapke patidev ki maut ka. par aap chinta nahin kariyega. NEWSWEEK saare dukhon ko door kar deta hai.'
The widow looks at him perplexed: An aide whispers to Laloo: 'Sir, aapka matlab hai, Time, not Newsweek.'
Laloo: 'arre bhaiya, TIME ho ya NEWSWEEK, koi farak padta hai ka

!! Letter writing !!

Lalloo was about to write a letter to Rabri. He remembers that last time she was reading his previous lettervery very slowly as she can not read fast.So, Lalloo thinks for a while and start writing with the first line ‘My Dear Rabri, I know you can not read fast. Don't worry. I will make it easy for you, I am writing this letter very very slowly.'

!! On Padyatra !!

Lalloo was doing ‘Padyatra’ through the villages in Bihar during election time. He felt thirsty and decided to ask at a hut for some water.Lady from hut opens the doors and get angry to see Lalloo but without showing her anger she invites him in with a smile. She gives him water in bowl.There was a one dog moving around, giving Lalloo a great deal of attention. Lalloo comments "What a nice dog, I had never seen such a friendly dog".Lady replies "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you are using."