The Sardarji Encyclopedia

Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

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How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade atyou?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

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What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

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How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

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What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

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Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

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How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

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What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

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What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.

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What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

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What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.

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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

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Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

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How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

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Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone

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How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

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What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

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Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

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Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec", says the rep."Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

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Sardarji is buying a TV."Do you have color TVs?" "Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

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EMPLOYMENT..Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titledNAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column"Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes

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CROCODILE BOOTS..Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off toAfrica and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71stand *again* barefeet!"

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A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?"The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll takeit!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask."The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

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A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed ithome somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"

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Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab fromIndia but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word.Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPENIF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"

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Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he toldthe salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV.""Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color,new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV.""Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?""Because that's a microwave," he replied.

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Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on thetrain 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamedwhen he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thankingGod for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

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Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh.
Father: Sikh
Kid:Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper,it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

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Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound) "Press the redbutton." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!""Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!""Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

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Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Giveme a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was takenfor a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees andI'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you waitand I'll go get a ladder."

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DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. Theymanaged to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singhsomehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunateBanta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching theseats in front with both hands, scared to death.He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on?Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride downthere ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a*driver.*"

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Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang -but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!"the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ....what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

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Sardar is napping on the lawns of cross-maidan, next to a donkey.A passer-by asks him, "Sardarji, do you know what time it is?"Sardar lifts a leg of the donkey and says, "5:00 pm".Another passer-by asks him for time. Sardar does the same thing again and tells him the time.All this while a curious person has been watching what is going on. He approaches the Sardar and asks,"Arre, sardraji, kya bat hai, gadhe ki taang utha ke time bata sakte ho!"Sardar coolly says, "Arre bhai, gadha beech mein soya hai, to woh rajabai tower ki ghadi nahin dikhti, isliye uski taang uthani padti hai..."

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