Plight of Jayalalitha

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in Chennai. He's stopped in traffic and thinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual we're not even moving."

He notices a police officer walking down thehighway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and says,"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"

"Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she's all depressed. She's lying down in the middle of the highway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and light herself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walking around taking up a collection for her"

If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime Minister....

Top Ten list ...If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime Minister....

10.There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!!

9. Their only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!!

8. All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and Pasta.

7. India's National Sport will be - Ofcourse Soccer.

6. Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and will be replaced by Jayalalitha!

5. National vegetable-Zucchini

4. There will be Pope John Paul's 'yearly' visit - twice every year!!

3. Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to "Michaelangelo's Confetti house"!!

2. Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts!! And ...the number one thing that will happen if Sonia Becomes the Prime Minister of India is.....

1.All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions because she thinks they are all ITALIANS!! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani ......resemble Mussolini, Gianini, Benini etc.....*Kulkarni also have a fair chance*...)

The following conversation takes place between two Punjabis :

During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about thetechnological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine. The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he's grownup and becamean Olympic professional boxer and a gold medalist !" The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved. Backin Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold medalist !" The Indian interjected " Is that all you have achieved , just gold medalists? In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD !We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Bihar !"

Lahore Samjhuata Express

Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak).

In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh.

Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off.

The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!

"The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."

The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped."

And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."

LTTE

How was the LTTE party? It was a blast!
What do LTTE students do when they fail? They become suicide bombers
What's LTTE's favourite chai? LT tea
What do you call an LTTE babe? A bomb.
What's the LTTE's fave drink? Gren-ade!
What is the LTTE 's fave movie? Refugee!
What's the LTTE's favourite ISP? Cal-tiger
What do LTTE gravestones usually say? Rest in pieces
What is an LTTE member least likely to die of? Old age
How did the sucide bomber scare his wife? By threatening to hug her!
What is every LTTE operation nicknamed? Project tiger
How do you confuse an LTTE? No need to he already is!
Which soap is banned in Jaffna? Chandrika
What do you call abnormal LTTEs? Humans
What do the LTTE call a good looking car? A car bomb!
What do you call a benevolent LTTE? Traitor!
What Net account does the LTTE have? A shell account
What is the LTTE fave book? Shall we kill the president?
What is a kind female LTTE bomber called? Mercy-Nari
What is the LTTE's fave rock number? I of the tiger
How do you distinguish a tiger from an LTTE? The tiger can't speak Tamil

Laloo "Local Call"

Our three respected Indians,Vajpayeeji,Chandrababu Naidu and,of course,Lalooji go to'narak' after their death. They are very sad as they are missing their people on earth. So, they request the devils to allow them to make a call to their relatives at their respective homes. The devils, out of respect for their high positions, permit them to do so. First, Vajpayeeji calls his relatives in Delhi. He talks for 15 minutes and then passes the phone to Naidu. The latter also calls his state and talks to his wife for 20 minutes and gives the chance to Laloo. Now, Lalooji calls Bihar and starts talking to Rabri Devi. He talks for many hours.

Soon after,the telephone bills arrive. Vajpayeeji pays Rs 150, Naidu Rs 200 and Laloo Rs 50. All of them are surprised how Laloo had talked to his wife for over an hour.Lalooji's reply was simple. He had made a local call to Bihar. How? "Arre bhai BIHAR to pahele hi narak hai" !

Once Laloo returned from England and his wife rabri asked him, 'Are Kuch Angreji wagare sikhi ki nahin englandva mein jakar.' Laloo replied ' Bilkul sikhe hain.' Rabri then said ' Tanik angreji mein kahkar to batao ki hamra nam laloo hain.' Laloo replied, 'Small mein bole ya Capital mein bole?'

Retired Govt. Servant

There was a bitter quarrel between wives of two POLITICIANS . The conversation between both was as follows :
Wife 1 : ' Your husband is corrupt & was caught red handed accepting the Bribe . '
Wife 2 : ' It's absolutely wrong .And who are you to talk ! There is an inquiry going on against your husband also . '
Wife 1 : ' It's true but the inquiry is being conducted by a First Class Magistrate . But the inquiry against your husband is carried out by a Retired Govt. Servant .'

Laloo Hawala

A piece entitled ' In praise of Laloo Yadav ' , says :They have Hawala , We have Gowala ,They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,They have a Beta , We have a Saala.

Laloo the great - 1

Mr . Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail .
Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out : ' Look at this letter ! It is addressed to
the stupidest man in Bihar '. His minister tried to calm him by saying :
' How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '. Mr. Laloo replied sadly :
' This does not bothers me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address.'

Divorce / Marriage

A reporter asked Laloo "What the main reason for divorce?" Laloo replies "Marriage".

Rabri Devi went to heaven

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that? "That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he
never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

Laloos family planning policy.

"DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"

Laloo Kids

A TV journalist asks Lalooji "How come u have 9 children ??"
Lalooji replies "Woh kya hai ki main rubber se jyada rabri ko use kiya hoon"

Shayari

Teri kushi kabhi kam naa ho,teri aankhen kabhi ansoon se namm naa ho,tuje mile duniya ki haar kushi,bhale us kushi mien hum ho naa ho