Laloo Yadav went to London. One evening, he felt like talking to his wife and dialed his residence.
Laloo Yadav: O-Hallooo!
Reply: Hello!
Laloo Yadav smirks as it is an unfamiliar male Voice.
He says: Kaun bol raha hai?
Reply: Shaab, main Bahadur.
Laloo Yadav: Bahadur, where did you come from?
Bahadur: Shaab, memsahaab has kept me here.
Laloo Yadav shifts uneasily on learning that rabri,s daring at keeping a pahari Bahadur just the day he has left home. He says: Ok, go and call memsaab.
Bahadur: Shaab, Memshaab is sleeping with Shaab!
Laloo Yadav turns red and wild with anger. He screams into the phone
Laloo: Listen Bahadur, listen to me. I am your real Sahib.
Bahadur: But then who is sleeping with Memshaab?
Laloo Yadav: Woh koi ullu ka pattha hai. Go to the drawing room and get my gun which is hanging there.After a few seconds Bahadur comes back
Bahadur: Shaab, I_,ve got the gun!
Laloo Yadav: And just around there in the drawers should be the bullets, take them and fit them into the gun.After a minute
Bahadur: Shaab, it_,s ready now.
Laloo Yadav: Now go and kill both the the Memsahib and the fake Sahib! Two gunshots are heard and Bahadur: Shaab, I_,ve shot both of them, what do I do with the dead bodies?
Laloo Yadav: Just dig a hole in the garden and bury both of them in it.
Bahadur: Shaab, I don_,t get it!
This is the fifteenth floor, there,s no garden here!
Laloo Yadav: Oh, sorry, wrong number!
शुक्रवार, जून 09, 2006
Laloo's Burial Gift
Three kids walking by a lake see Laloo Yadav jogging. He passes them by and falls into the lake a few seconds later. So, they rush into the water and save him from drowning.
Laloo thanks them.
Laloo: Anything you want shall be done.
First Boy: I want to go to the Bihar Naval Academy.
Laloo: Then, I will make sure you get into the Naval Academy.
Second boy: I want to go to USA.
Laloo: You will go to USA.
Third boy: I want to be buried in Central Cemetery.
Laloo: You are so young, why are you concerned about your death.
Third boy: Because my father will kill me when he finds out what I did today!
Laloo thanks them.
Laloo: Anything you want shall be done.
First Boy: I want to go to the Bihar Naval Academy.
Laloo: Then, I will make sure you get into the Naval Academy.
Second boy: I want to go to USA.
Laloo: You will go to USA.
Third boy: I want to be buried in Central Cemetery.
Laloo: You are so young, why are you concerned about your death.
Third boy: Because my father will kill me when he finds out what I did today!
Bihari
Once, while laloo was on an air trip to some country, the air hostess inquired, "sir aap shaakahaari hai ki maausahari ?
"To which laloo promptly replied,
"hum to sirf bihari hoon!!!"
"To which laloo promptly replied,
"hum to sirf bihari hoon!!!"
Rabri Laloo's wife....
Two young friends (Bunty and Chinto) were standing on the flatform of Bihar. After standing there for one hour, Bunty went to buy sweets from a shop 5 meters away. When he came back, he was crying.
Chinto: what happened to you?
Bunty: The shopkeeper slapped me.
Chinto: Why? What did you ask him?
Bunty: I only asked him - "rabri ka bhaw kyan hai?"
Chinto: what happened to you?
Bunty: The shopkeeper slapped me.
Chinto: Why? What did you ask him?
Bunty: I only asked him - "rabri ka bhaw kyan hai?"
rabri as in a sweet and Laloo's wife....
Laloo Appinment Letter
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.A few days later he got this reply:
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks"
Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."Everyone was delighted.
Laloo Prasad continued......
"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
We are sorry ....... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that ......... .aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ............. .aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ..... humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ....... phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ... bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ......... aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks"
Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."Everyone was delighted.
Laloo Prasad continued......
"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
We are sorry ....... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that ......... .aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ............. .aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ..... humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ....... phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ... bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ......... aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad
Laloo Speech
After learning english, Laloo throws a grand party.At the beginning of the party, he gives a speech in English.The speech was as follows:-"I thank you all for coming from the bottom of my heart and also from my wive's bottom.
100 Percent Laloo Yadav
Once laloo went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the Laloo was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?""Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said Laloo.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister (Laloo) lavished all hospitality on him.When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace Laloo had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees", he asked.The Laloo called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?
"The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said
"No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said Laloo !!
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
""This is how business is done!!! ""
Laloo's Mars Mission
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going."A million dollars",
he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family,
he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.
"The last applicant was a Indian politician (Lallu Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The IndianPolitician replied, $1 million is for you, I'll keep $1million, and we'll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars."
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going."A million dollars",
he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family,
he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.
"The last applicant was a Indian politician (Lallu Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The IndianPolitician replied, $1 million is for you, I'll keep $1million, and we'll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars."
Laloo's Kids -2
A TV journalist asks Lalooji "How come u have 9 children ??"Lalooji replies "Woh kya hai ki main rubber se jyada rabri ko use kiya hoon"
Laloo's kids
According to Secret Intelligence reports Laloo has 38 kids. When contacted by this reporter, Laloo said " BJP jhoot kahti hai, hamre 9 bchche hai. kaho to gin ke bataaon". When provoked to count his children Laloo counts, "Ek, Do, teen, char, paanch, che, saat, aath, nau. Bas iske aage ki ginti hame nahi aati".
Laloo and Rabri: Not on talking terms
Following an especially angry argument, Laloo and Rabri went to bed not speaking to each other.Needing to arise early the following morning, Laloo left a note on his Rabri's bedside table that said: "Imartee ki Amma, humko kal bhor paanch baje utha dijiyega.
"An annoyed Laloo awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
"Barfi ke babuji, paanch baje gaye hai, aapka uthne ka samay ho gaya hai!"
"An annoyed Laloo awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
"Barfi ke babuji, paanch baje gaye hai, aapka uthne ka samay ho gaya hai!"
Laloo's stamp
Laloo wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Laloo was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Laloo. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."
Laloo, Jayalalitha and Sonia by air
Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Sonia are on a long flight in an Air Force plane.Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy." Of course Sonia doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.I notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says,
"If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"
"If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"
Clinton's English Lesson To Laloo
Bill Clinton decided to 'teach' Laloo English, so he invited him over to the US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur.
Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition. Inside the White House, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English.Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out.
The whole country and its economy have come to a standstill, and press, news reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome.
At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo - beaming his resplendent white smile, looking cool and unruffled.
However, Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over his face.The shocked reporters ask Bill,
"What happened Mr. Clinton?
"Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"
Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition. Inside the White House, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English.Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out.
The whole country and its economy have come to a standstill, and press, news reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome.
At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo - beaming his resplendent white smile, looking cool and unruffled.
However, Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over his face.The shocked reporters ask Bill,
"What happened Mr. Clinton?
"Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"
Laloo Ban Gaya Crorepati
Back in the Jahanabad, there were two Yadavs , Laloo and Sadhu. One day, the two were enjoying a strong country in the local thek , when a man walked into the bar with a Brahmin's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Brahmins; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says,
"If any man brings me the head of a Brahmin, I'll give him fifty thousand rupees."
The two Yadavs looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for a Brahmin. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Sadhu threw a rock which hit the Brahmin right on the head.
The Brahmin fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Laloo pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Sadhu said, "Lalooji, take a look at this.
"Laloo replied, "Not now, I'm busy.
"Sadhu tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this.
"Laloo said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's Fifty thousand rupees in my hand.
"But Sadhu was adamant. "Please, Lalooji, take a look at this."So Laloo looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand Ranbir Sainiks.
Laloo just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're going to be Crorepatis!"
"If any man brings me the head of a Brahmin, I'll give him fifty thousand rupees."
The two Yadavs looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for a Brahmin. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Sadhu threw a rock which hit the Brahmin right on the head.
The Brahmin fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Laloo pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Sadhu said, "Lalooji, take a look at this.
"Laloo replied, "Not now, I'm busy.
"Sadhu tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this.
"Laloo said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's Fifty thousand rupees in my hand.
"But Sadhu was adamant. "Please, Lalooji, take a look at this."So Laloo looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand Ranbir Sainiks.
Laloo just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're going to be Crorepatis!"
Laloo Vs Gates
Bill Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates : (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates : (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates : (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates: (Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.
Gates : (Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates : (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates : (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates : (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates: (Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.
Gates : (Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
Laloo in Wonderland
Raabri was worried whether or not Laloo upon his death made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo's voice was heard answering, "Hello Raabri, this is meeee..."
"Lalooji," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"
"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo answered.
"The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected and above all there is no scam. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."
"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his Raabri cried.
"Heaven?" he answered.
"What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Punjab."
"Lalooji," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"
"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo answered.
"The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected and above all there is no scam. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."
"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his Raabri cried.
"Heaven?" he answered.
"What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Punjab."
Laloo, Sonia, a saint and a schoolboy
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane.Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,
"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.
Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"
"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.
Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"
Verse in Laloo's Praise
They have Hawala , We have Gwala,
They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,
They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,
They have a Beta , We have a Saala.
They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,
They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,
They have a Beta , We have a Saala.
Laloo becomes the PM
Laloo becomes PM
(if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Pervez Musharraf.
They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement.
"Pervezbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Musharraf comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached!
The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours.
"Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the Akai company people) says Laloo. "Who kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Pervezbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!"
(SO, I said to Pervezbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free with it!")
(if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Pervez Musharraf.
They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement.
"Pervezbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Musharraf comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached!
The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours.
"Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the Akai company people) says Laloo. "Who kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Pervezbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!"
(SO, I said to Pervezbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free with it!")
Pakistani Wants to go Home (Help Him)
Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was 10 pence short of the fare.
Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers and begged.."
Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a Sardar, reaching into his wallet and handing him one Pound," keep the change and take nine of your country men with you!"
**No Offence against any country. If U have a sense of humour U will enjoy it! Get a Life, have Fun!
Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers and begged.."
Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a Sardar, reaching into his wallet and handing him one Pound," keep the change and take nine of your country men with you!"
**No Offence against any country. If U have a sense of humour U will enjoy it! Get a Life, have Fun!
गुरुवार, जून 08, 2006
YES MINISTER!!!
Vajpayee and Musharraf meet up in Islamabad for talks on nuclear arms. When Vajpayee sits down he notices Musharraf 's chair has three buttons on the armrest. They begin talking but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses a button and a boxing gloves pops out of Vajpayee chair and bashes him on his face.
Vajpayee, barely believing it, carries on talking but after another few minutes Musharraf presses a second button and out comes a large boot and kicks him in the butt. Vajpayee is kicked off but stillremains outwardly calm. They resume the talk, but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses the final button, and from under the table another boxing glove hits Vajpayee. The Indian PM is really fed up by it nowand stands up to leave. "'We'll continue this talk next week in the New Delhi" says the Prime Minister. Musharraf, choking from laughing, is too proud to say no, so The appointment stands.
A week later Vajpayee receives Musharraf in the Prime Minister's Office, and as Musharraf sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of Vajpayees chair. As the 20 meeting goes on, Musharraf sees Vajpayee press the first button, and ducks really fast, but nothing seems to happen. This doesn't stop Vajpayee from laughing... really loudly. After this, Indian PM continues where he left off, until he presses another button. Musharraf reacts really quickly, and jumps up. Absolutely nothing happens, and this time Vajpayee falls out of his chair laughing. Musharraf doesn't get it - what the hell is happening here? But he hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After a few minutes Indian PM presses the final button. This time, Musharraf stays sitting, but Vajpayee isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing.
Musharraf is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Pakistan "
Vajpayee: (Through tears of laughter from the floor) -
" PAKISTAN?? ..... What PAKISTAN??? DO YOU THINK STILL IT IS THERE??"
**No Offence against any country. If U have a sense of humour U will enjoy it! Get a Life, have Fun!
Vajpayee, barely believing it, carries on talking but after another few minutes Musharraf presses a second button and out comes a large boot and kicks him in the butt. Vajpayee is kicked off but stillremains outwardly calm. They resume the talk, but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses the final button, and from under the table another boxing glove hits Vajpayee. The Indian PM is really fed up by it nowand stands up to leave. "'We'll continue this talk next week in the New Delhi" says the Prime Minister. Musharraf, choking from laughing, is too proud to say no, so The appointment stands.
A week later Vajpayee receives Musharraf in the Prime Minister's Office, and as Musharraf sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of Vajpayees chair. As the 20 meeting goes on, Musharraf sees Vajpayee press the first button, and ducks really fast, but nothing seems to happen. This doesn't stop Vajpayee from laughing... really loudly. After this, Indian PM continues where he left off, until he presses another button. Musharraf reacts really quickly, and jumps up. Absolutely nothing happens, and this time Vajpayee falls out of his chair laughing. Musharraf doesn't get it - what the hell is happening here? But he hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After a few minutes Indian PM presses the final button. This time, Musharraf stays sitting, but Vajpayee isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing.
Musharraf is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Pakistan "
Vajpayee: (Through tears of laughter from the floor) -
" PAKISTAN?? ..... What PAKISTAN??? DO YOU THINK STILL IT IS THERE??"
**No Offence against any country. If U have a sense of humour U will enjoy it! Get a Life, have Fun!
LALOO THE GREAT..........!!!!
Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on.
*********************************************************
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas..So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
*********************************************************
Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN ----------IN ONE YEAR"
*********************************************************
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the : bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
*********************************************************
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modeling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION !
"Laloo, third from left!"
*********************************************************
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"
*********************************************************
Reporter asked Laloo "Whats the main reason for divorce?" "Marriage"
*********************************************************
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas..So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
*********************************************************
Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN ----------IN ONE YEAR"
*********************************************************
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the : bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
*********************************************************
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modeling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION !
"Laloo, third from left!"
*********************************************************
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"
*********************************************************
Reporter asked Laloo "Whats the main reason for divorce?" "Marriage"
Pakistani Hindustan Mein
Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi (India) found himself needing a toilet badly.
After a long search he could not find any, And eventually couldn't control and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself.
Once he had just started, a police official approached him,
Hey, What do you think you're doing here?
Pakistani tourist: sorry I have to "P" Police: No PP here okay?
Follow me... The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around.... Police: PP here.. have a nice day police said.
Pakistani tourist: Oh sir. that is very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?
Police: No... this is Pakistani Embassy !!!
**No Offence against any country. If U have a sense of humour U will enjoy it! Get a Life, have Fun!
After a long search he could not find any, And eventually couldn't control and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself.
Once he had just started, a police official approached him,
Hey, What do you think you're doing here?
Pakistani tourist: sorry I have to "P" Police: No PP here okay?
Follow me... The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around.... Police: PP here.. have a nice day police said.
Pakistani tourist: Oh sir. that is very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?
Police: No... this is Pakistani Embassy !!!
**No Offence against any country. If U have a sense of humour U will enjoy it! Get a Life, have Fun!
COOL IT.................
1) Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
2) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
3) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
4) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
5) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
6) Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I
won't be of much help anyway!!
7) Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
8) Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
9) Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
2) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
3) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
4) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
5) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
6) Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I
won't be of much help anyway!!
7) Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
8) Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
9) Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the
kaash mere pas aisa ek computer hota............
1) 5 minutes ago you were traveling to office at 80 mph in your brand new car. Now you are traveling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance, You wish there was 'undo' in life!
2) You are already late, and your key is missing, You wish there was 'find tool' in life!
3) You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business, You wish there was 'rebuild all' in life!
4) The train is so crowded that you cannotget anywhere near that nice girl at the other end, You wish there was'zoom & view full screen' in life
5) After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch, You wish there was an 'evaluation period' or at least a 'sample down load' or a 'demo version'!
And the best one is ............
6) One day you realize that you are turning bald, You wish there was 'cut and paste' in life!
2) You are already late, and your key is missing, You wish there was 'find tool' in life!
3) You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business, You wish there was 'rebuild all' in life!
4) The train is so crowded that you cannotget anywhere near that nice girl at the other end, You wish there was'zoom & view full screen' in life
5) After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch, You wish there was an 'evaluation period' or at least a 'sample down load' or a 'demo version'!
And the best one is ............
6) One day you realize that you are turning bald, You wish there was 'cut and paste' in life!
AMERICA SUX HERE'S WHY : ?
- Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
- Only in America ... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
- Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.
- Only in America ... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke...
- Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
- Only in America ... do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage...
- Only in America ... do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first place...
- Only in America ... do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
- Only in America ... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!
American Pooja:
Have you ever thought what would happen if temples were Americanized?
Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad & Diet Prasad.
Panchamrut will be of 4 types: Normal milk, 2% milk, Skimmed milk and fat-free milk. Same for yogurt.
You no more go around the temple from left to right. This is America and everything here is from right to left.
The pandit will not ask for your name before Pooja anymore. Your social security number will do.
Laptops will be used to read mantras instead of books.
No more Aaratis due to fire hazard. Only flashlights will be used. During flashlight-tee (aar-tee), soft copies of lord are on sale for $1 per image.
You won't leave money in the thali anymore! When you get the flashlightee, you should swipe your visa card on the scanner.
All bhaktas will have to use head phones to hear GONG of the bell to prevent noise pollution.
The temple would re-cycle the flowers used everyday to protect the environment.
Sponsors of poojas will be allowed to display a 1.5"x 5" banner on the temple website.
Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad & Diet Prasad.
Panchamrut will be of 4 types: Normal milk, 2% milk, Skimmed milk and fat-free milk. Same for yogurt.
You no more go around the temple from left to right. This is America and everything here is from right to left.
The pandit will not ask for your name before Pooja anymore. Your social security number will do.
Laptops will be used to read mantras instead of books.
No more Aaratis due to fire hazard. Only flashlights will be used. During flashlight-tee (aar-tee), soft copies of lord are on sale for $1 per image.
You won't leave money in the thali anymore! When you get the flashlightee, you should swipe your visa card on the scanner.
All bhaktas will have to use head phones to hear GONG of the bell to prevent noise pollution.
The temple would re-cycle the flowers used everyday to protect the environment.
Sponsors of poojas will be allowed to display a 1.5"x 5" banner on the temple website.
Computer Shayrees
ARZ KIYA HAI jo sadiyaon se hota aaya hai woh repeat kar doonga... Tu naa mili to tujhko dil sey Ctrl+Alt+delete kar doonga...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain aur lonely hain... Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Shayad mere pyar ko taste karna bhool gaye... Dil sey aisa CUT kiya ke PASTE karna bhool gaye...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tumhare samne hain itney items kabhi hame bhi pick karo... Hamare pyar ke ICON pe kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Roz subha hum karte hai itne pyar se unhe good morning... woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS... Ho gayi galti humse, click ho gaya mouse Duniya ki parwaah chhodo, ban jaao meri spouse!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound, Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: Your file not found!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if" Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Aysa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't likeyour face Par dil ke computer mein, nahin hai enough disk space
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab, pehen ke evening gown Too many requests se, ho jaata hai server down
---------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain aur lonely hain... Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Shayad mere pyar ko taste karna bhool gaye... Dil sey aisa CUT kiya ke PASTE karna bhool gaye...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tumhare samne hain itney items kabhi hame bhi pick karo... Hamare pyar ke ICON pe kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Roz subha hum karte hai itne pyar se unhe good morning... woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS... Ho gayi galti humse, click ho gaya mouse Duniya ki parwaah chhodo, ban jaao meri spouse!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound, Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: Your file not found!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if" Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Aysa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't likeyour face Par dil ke computer mein, nahin hai enough disk space
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab, pehen ke evening gown Too many requests se, ho jaata hai server down
---------------------------------------------------------
बुधवार, जून 07, 2006
Bewafa Ssssssssanam (S)
Hum haste hai to woh samjhte hai ke
humein aadat hai muskurane ke,
lekin woh nadan kya samjhe,
ke yeh bhi ek adaa hai gam chupaneki.
"Kabhi humse bhi pucha karo,
ke humpe kya bitte hai,
kyo gamonko chupakar muskura karte hai,
kyo aasuonko rokkar hasa karte hai,
kaise man hi man roya karte hai,
KYU................................
Kyu aj bhi tumhara intazar karte hai.
Har baat ka matlab inkar nahi hota,
har jagah par baithane intezar nahi hota,
yu to milti hai hazaronse nazare,
har nazar ka milna PYAR nahi hota.
Dard e dil dekho kitna gam jhele hai,
mere masoom dil mai zakhmoke mele hai,
mehfil ki khwahish thi mujhe yaron,
dekho zindagi mei aaj hum kitne akele hai.
Chand ki raton me
sara jahan sota hai,
lekin kisi ki yaadon me
koi badnasib rota hai,
khuda kisi ko mohobbat pe
fida na kare,
agar kare to kisi ko juda na kare.
Jab bhi kisi ko karib paya hai
kasam khuda ki wahi dhokha khaya hai
kyo dosh dete ho kanto ko
ye zakham to humne phoole se paya hai.
Bada arman tha tere sang jeevan betaneka
shikwa he bas tere khamosh reh jane ka
dewangi isse badkar bhi kyao hogi
aaj bhi intezar he tere ane ka.
Mera ek inkar tere har inkar se achha hoga
mera ek din tere har raat se acha hoga
tu doli se jhak kar dekh lena zalim
mera janaza teri barat se acha hoga.
Kab khayal unka dil me nahi hota
kab dard dil se juda nahi hota
kuch to majburiya rahi hogi unki bhi
bhala yuhi kahi koi bewafa nahi hota.
Ruth kar tum mujhe bhulane lage
itne dur hue ke bahut yad ane lage
kaise bhuladu tumhe ek pal me
jab tumhe pane me mujhe jamane lage.
Hasroton ki nigahon pe sakht pehre hai
na jane kis umeed pe dil thehra hai
teri chahaton ki kasam ae dost
apni dosti ka rishta pyar se bahut gehra hai.
Dil ki baat labo par lakar
ab tak hum dukh sahte hai...
Humein aawara kehna koi bada ilzam nahi...
duniyawale dilwalon ko aur bahut kuch kehte hai...
bit gaya sawan ka mahina, mausam ne nazare badli...
lakin in pyasi aankhon se aasu behte hai...
dil ki baat labo per laakar.......
Jin ki dosti sachi hoti hai
woh kab fariyad karte hai
juba khamosh hoti hai
lakin dil se yad karte hai.
Is duniya me dost kam milenge
is duniya me gam hi gam milenge
jahan duniya nazar fer legi
Us mod pe dost tumhe
"HUM" Milenge................
शुक्रवार, जून 02, 2006
Sardar's car
A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a 1,00,000 kilometres. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a good price because of its excess mileage. He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help. The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometres.The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days, the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar would have sold the car. A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in the same car. The Madrasi was surprised and asked - "What happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?"The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only 30,000 kilometres."
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