God is crying!

Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton.'God replies: ' Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.'Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.

Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan.'God replies: ' Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.'Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.

Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: ' God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state.'Hearing this, God starts crying.

Laaloo is astounded and asks: ' God, why are you crying ? 'God replies: ' Son, I will not see it in my lifetime '

Laloo Teaches Definitions of Marriage via Film Names

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Ha
Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha
Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap
Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Reason
Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?
Shaadi ke pehle - chal chayya chayya ……
Shaadi ke baad - ah aab laut chale ……..
Shaadi ke pehle- hum aapke dil main rehte hain
Shaadi ke baad - hum apke ghar main rehte hain
Shaadi ke pehle - arzoo
Shaadi ke baad - asoo
Shaadi ke pehle - soldier
Shaadi ke baad - major sahib
Shaadi ke pehle - pyaar hona hi tha
Shaadi ke baad - meri saath esa kyu hua
Shaadi ke pehle - jeevan saathi
Shaadi ke baad - bachcho ke baad, bangaye hathi
Shaadi ke pehle - deewana
Shaadi ke baad - anjaam
Shaadi ke pehle - laila majnoo
Shaadi ke baad - dono majnoon
Shaadi ke pehle - taj mahal
Shaadi ke baad - sadak
Shaadi ke pehle - tammana
Shaadi ke baad - tamasha

How to catch a lion

Newton’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you.For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Laloo Yadav Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it’s sleeping !

Mani Rathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.Keep murmuring something in its ears.The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.But 2nd lioness loves both lions.Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George Bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders.

!! Laloo's clock?" !!

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh,"
said Rabri, "Who's clock is that? "That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."
Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

!! Laloo Kids !!

A TV journalist asks Lalooji "How come u have 9 children ??"
Lalooji replies "Woh kya hai ki main rubber se jyada rabri ko use kiya hoon"